


can and cannot

by thekittenthatreads



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, it's just pure fluffy goodness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23641495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekittenthatreads/pseuds/thekittenthatreads
Summary: Rey can do this. She’s going to do it. She’s definitely going to do it. She is.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Rey
Comments: 6
Kudos: 68





	can and cannot

Rey can do this. She’s going to do it. She’s definitely going to do it. She is. 

Poe jumps out of his X-wing and yanks off his helmet. He runs a hand through his hair as he looks around the hangar with bright, eager eyes.

Before he can catch her gaze Rey spins and runs away. 

Rey totally can’t do this. 

_______________________

She avoids Poe successfully for two and half days. She’s in the middle of congratulating herself for almost making it through day three when he finds her. 

“So are you planning on kissing me again or was that like a one time thing?” Poe is stunningly casual as he slides under the ship she’s working on. 

Rey startles and almost smacks her head against the under belly of the Y wing’s torpedo launcher. 

“Hi.” Poe says when she finally meets his eyes, too disoriented to do anything else.

“Hi.” Rey replies blankly.

“Long time no see,” Poe’s tone is still light but there’s accusation in his eyes. More than that though, there’s hurt. Rey looks away from it quickly. When it’s clear she’s not going to say anything more Poe speaks again. 

“Were you waiting for _me_ to kiss _you_ this time? Because I was totally planning on it...but you’ve been avoiding me.”

Rey flushes deeply. She keeps her eyes downcast and stays silent.

“...Or maybe you just wanna forget that it ever happened?” Poe sounds resigned and at this Rey finally does look up at him again.

“I can do that, if that’s what you want. If it means we can be friends again.”

Poe’s eyes are big and sad but he gives her a hopeful smile and Rey’s heart beats painfully fast in her chest. She’s at a loss for how to tell him that that is definitely _not_ what she wants. But Poe really looks like he means it so Rey knows she has to try. 

“Poe,” she starts hesitatingly.

Poe watches her patiently and doesn’t say anything. But she doesn’t know what to say, or rather how to say what she wants to say and in her prolonged silence he starts squirming. 

“Listen, it’s okay, really, you don’t wanna talk about it, it’s fine. I promise I won’t be weird or anything and everything can just...go back to normal okay? Okay, so I’ll see you at dinner, later Rey,” Poe babbles as he scrambles out from under the ship. 

Rey feels that same panicky feeling she had in her chest when she’d kissed him before he left on his latest mission and she quickly slides out from underneath the Y wing after him. She jumps to her feet.

“Wait!” Rey grabs Poe’s wrist.

He turns to her immediately, his face red in embarrassment. He doesn’t meet her eyes. 

“It’s okay, Rey, really. I was just teasing, being a dick y’know? It’s fine you don’t wanna kiss me again. You don’t owe me an explanation for that. If it was just like a- a random impulse or something it’s really no big deal.” He's still babbling and the smile he gives her is weak. “I just want us to be o-"

“It wasn’t a random impulse.” Rey blurts out. Poe’s mouth snaps shut. 

“Well, okay I mean it was an impulse,” Rey hedges. Poe blinks. 

“But...it wasn’t random...”

Rey forces herself to maintain eye contact with him. She may not know what to say but she does know a little about how she wants to say it. Poe’s face is very carefully blank. 

“I uh...I didn’t just randomly want to kiss you, I’ve uh...I’ve thought about kissing you...for a while actually.” Rey admits slowly, having only just come to accept this truth in the last three days. 

Poe’s lips start to twitch upwards.

“But I never thought I’d do it! I didn’t plan on actually kissing you! I just...did.” Rey stutters.

She lets go of his wrist to nervously fiddle with her fingers. Poe’s smile has frozen. Rey curses herself because she’s really karking this all up. 

“Not because I didn’t want to- to actually kiss you! Because I did. I do!” Rey hurries to add. “I just-" she breaks off in a groan and runs a hand down her face.

Belatedly she realizes this means she’s probably streaked some ship oil onto herself. Judging by the way Poe’s eyes linger on her cheek, his expression shifting into amusement, she definitely did. 

“I’m just so new at this, and so, _so_ bad at it.”

Rey looks down at her feet. She’s trying to be brave and vulnerable, she really is, but it’s hard. Then Poe’s boots enter her line of vision and he takes one of her hands. 

“I know you’re new to this Rey, but I gotta say... I _really_ don’t think you’re bad at it. I mean considering the fact that I’ve wanted to kiss you for ages and I haven’t said a damn thing and you actually went ahead and did it...I’d say you’re a lot better at this than I am.” 

She looks up and meets Poe’s eyes. What he's just admitted, and the fact that he’s looking at her with such a soft and warm expression, helps her to find the words she wants. 

“I have feelings for you. Big, romantic, kind of scary ones.” Rey says boldly. Poe lights up.

"I have...big, scary, romantic feelings for you too." He flushes as he says it.

"Kind of scary," she corrects him, and he laughs under his breath.

"Have you seen yourself with a lightsaber? You're way more than kind of scary."

Rey feels a giggle bubble up inside her. Poe grins and squeezes her hand and it encourages her to continue. 

“I kissed you because I was worried about you not coming back to me. Because I wanted you to come back so I could keep kissing you. And talking to you. And arguing with you about staying safe. And calling you a laserbrain when you make stupid jokes about dying.” 

Poe grabs her other hand and holds them between their bodies. His smile is incandescent now. 

“Well I came back,” he says, somewhat shyly. 

“You did,” Rey responds, eyes drawn to the nervous way he runs his tongue along his bottom lip. 

“And you can call me a laserbrain anytime you want.” 

“I already do,” Rey says, returning his smile with one of her own. Poe looks a little star struck.

“Well you can argue with me about my safety, or about anything else, whenever you feel like,” he says, and she watches his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. 

“I already do that too.”

Rey’s voice grows softer as Poe takes a step closer to her. She drags her eyes up to meet his. Poe looks at her in a way that makes her feel like she’s naked and just stepped under the stream of a hot fresher. She inhales sharply and bites down on her lip. Poe’s eyes drop to her mouth. 

“We can...keep talking,” he says lowly and Rey feels a lurch below her belly at the husk in his voice. She pulls her hands from Poe’s to bring them to rest on his chest. The erratic beating of his heart pounds under her palm. 

“I think I’m done talking for now,” Rey breathes, sliding her hands up to Poe’s neck. She feels him swallow again, hard. His hands come to rest on her hips. 

“Okay,” he murmurs, “honestly, you can do whatever you want with me.”

Poe looks into her eyes again and she sees the truth in his words shining through. It sends a thrill through her from head to toe. 

“That gives me...a lot of options.”

Rey’s heart rate picks up speed as Poe’s eyes darken. She slides a hand into his hair. He tilts his head a little to press into her palm and then brushes his nose against hers. Rey’s eyes flutter shut as Poe breathes his next words against her mouth. 

“Yeah...so what do you wanna do?” 

There are a lot questions Rey’s had to face during this war she’s been pulled into the center of. Some are easy to answer and some are not so easy. 

But answering Poe’s question? 

Rey can totally do that. 

_______________________

_Three Days Earlier..._

  
“I don’t like this,” Rey grumbles, trailing after Poe as he makes his way to his X-wing.

He’s just been tasked with heading off a First Order border patrol that’s a planet shy of the primary rendezvous point where the Resistance has been picking up donated ships. They have a fleet of X and Y wings that they haven’t organized a retrieval for yet. Black Squadron has been given the directive to lead off the patrolling enemy ships. 

“So you’ve said. To me. To Leia. To everyone in that briefing.”

Poe is more amused than annoyed, too excited about getting back into his ship after being grounded two weeks as he healed from a severe fracture in his foot. There’s been a lull in their medical supply shipments so they’ve been rationing bacta, which meant Poe’s recovery was significantly slowed down. Poe had been going crazy stuck in bed. His excitement makes Rey nervous. 

“You’ve only just got off bed rest and you haven’t flown in a few weeks, what if-"

“Rey I’ll be fine! If anything goes wrong I have BeeBee-Ate with me.” 

[ _BB-8 is the best co-pilot in the galaxy!_ ] Poe faithful droid chirps, rolling along at their ankles. 

“You got that right buddy,” Poe agrees, smiling down at his droid. Rey shakes her head.

“And now you’re talking about things going wrong. I don’t like it. Black Squadron’s been fine without you so far, they could handle another week while you get comfortable flying again.”

“I’m a trained pilot, I don’t need another week, and it’s gunna be fine. It’s just a small patrol team and we outnumber them. Plus I’m dying to get out there again Rey!” Poe slings an arm around her and gives a dramatic sigh. 

“I’ve been on the ground too long! I belong to the stars!” Poe gestures theatrically with his other hand. 

“This! This is what I don’t like! You’re too excited and you’re gunna do something stupid.” Rey shoves his arm off of her and comes to a stop as they reach his ship. Crossing her arms tightly Rey glares at Poe. BB-8 boops and Poe stops and glances at his droid. 

“Buddy, go ahead and get on board and start the take off sequence huh? I’ll be up in a minute.” Poe’s eyes are locked with Rey’s and he crosses his arms too.

BB-8 beeps in assent and quickly rolls away, the droid doesn’t like it when his favorite organics argue. 

“I’m not _too_ excited, I’m just ready to be back in the air,” Poe says defensively.

“You’ve been restless the whole time you’ve been on bed rest. You can’t blame me for worrying you’re gunna be a little over eager for action.” 

“The only thing I’m eager for is to get back to actually doing something to help the Resistance.” 

“You get impulsive when you’re like this Poe,” Rey says reproachfully. Poe throws up his hands, laughing a little incredulously. 

“Like what Rey!? So I’m ready for a fight, so what? Maybe you’re just not used to seeing me when I’m all rested up! Maker knows no ones getting enough sleep around here as it is.” 

“Poe-"

“And you know what, sometimes it’s good to be a little impulsive! All these First Order pilots know is how to follow protocol. Maybe a little impulsive flying is what makes the Resistance better than them! What makes me better than them!” 

Rey looks at Poe dolefully. There’s nothing she can really do at this point, her objections to Poe leading this attack were already shot down at the command center. Leia had given her a strange smile, something knowing, amused, and exasperated all at once. Poe sighs and steps towards her. 

“Listen, you know how badly I wanna make sure we get those new ships in before we have to abandon that pick up point right?” 

Rey shifts her feet and nods sullenly, looking at the ground. Poe’s hands come to curve against her elbows. She looks up at him. 

“And you know how much I wanna try them out with you when we bring ‘em in right?” 

Rey cracks a smile. 

“I keep telling you it doesn’t matter what ship you’re in, I’m still gunna beat you in any race.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah” Poe teases, “and I’m gunna make sure I make it back to test that theory out.” 

Rey sighs and nods again. This time she smiles a little wider, begrudgingly. 

“Besides, I’d be more challenged flying against you. These moof milkers don’t know jack about flying, they’d have a better chance at blowing me up if they aimed for each other. Matter of fact- that’s probably how they clipped me last time, BeeBee didn’t read anyone locking onto me so it was _definitely_ a fluke shot.” Poe continues, ruining Rey’s growing sense of calm. She yanks out of Poe’s grip and steps backwards. 

“That‘s not funny,” she growls.

“It’s a little funny.” Poe protests, looking surprised. 

“It’s not. You shouldn’t joke about getting blown up! Again!” 

“Rey, c’mon, haven’t you heard of gallows humor? You’re a pilot. It’s a pilot thing!” 

Rey scoffs and shakes her head storming away a little ways behind his ship, out of view from the rest of the bay. She feels irrational in her anger, knows they all joke about things like this constantly. But Poe talking about being blown up is making her feel raw and annoyingly fearful. 

“Why are you so worried about this?” Poe follows her, reaching out to poke her teasingly before catching the real concern on Rey’s face. 

“Hey is it- are you like sensing something? In the Force?” His sudden shift into seriousness only makes Rey feel more irrational and upset. 

“That’s not how the Force works!” Rey snaps. Poe looks at her, and now he is growing annoyed. 

“Okay so then why are you freaking out? You know I’m a great pilot.” 

“I’m not ‘ _freaking out_ ’,” Rey protests, even though she knows she is, “why are _you_ being so cavalier about this?” 

“I’m not! I just don’t see the need for so much concern! This is not a dangerous mission! It’s just a few trigger happy TIES on patrol, we got nothing to worry about! Black Squadron outflies those bastards any day,” Poe says with confidence.

The last dog fight Poe got into, the one he was almost blown up in, he flew directly into the path of a TIE that had been tailing the newest recruit to his squadron. He took heavy fire and made it back to base on half a leaking engine and a ship on the brink of exploding. Rey thinks about how he had looked then, getting dragged out of his smoking ship, and her stomach drops.

“I thought you said you weren’t a typical cocky flyboy anymore.” 

Poe looks wounded. 

“I’m _not_! We’ve dealt with this kind of mission before Rey, you _know_ that. Border patrol is like a training run for TIE fliers, they’re not even experienced pilots yet. Hey-“ he steps into her space again.

“-are you seriously worried about this or is something else going on?” Poe looks at her searchingly. 

Rey squirms under his gaze. Truthfully she doesn’t know why she’s so nervous about him going into battle today, she just knows she’s been feeling this way more and more every time he flies out. She hasn't wanted to think about what that means so she tries to deflect. 

“I’m not worried, I’m just annoyed. You don’t realize how hard it is to tell that you take this seriously when you keep joking around.” 

“Hey, you know how seriously I take this war, and my squads safety.” Poe says sternly. 

“Yeah I do, but I’m not talking about the war, or your squad, I’m talking about _you_!” Rey bursts out. Poe’s eyebrows draw in confusion. 

“Me?”

“Yes you! _Your_ safety, _your_ life. It feels like the only one on board your ship that takes that seriously is BeeBee-Ate!” 

“My squad has my back!”

“But _you_ don’t have your back at all! You’re always trying to save everyone and be all noble and- and-"

Rey doesn’t know if she’s getting her point across clearly. In all honestly she’s not even sure what her point is anymore. All she knows is she doesn’t want him to be in danger and she can’t have what she wants. The Resistance needs him to go, and she needs him to come back. In her mounting consternation and confusion words become difficult. 

“Why-"

Cutting Poe off, Rey growls in frustration, grabs him by the collar and pulls him in to kiss him. Poe’s hands flail comically for a second before they come to rest on her waist. When he hesitantly returns her kiss she sighs into his mouth and then his grip on her tightens. Rey tugs on his bottom lip with her teeth and that’s when Poe starts to really kiss her back in earnest.

His arms wrap entirely around her, pulling her in close. She lets go of his collar to slide her hands up his neck and into his hair and she doesn’t think she’s ever felt her heart beat quite this fast. When his tongue runs along her bottom lip she opens her mouth to him. When he comes into contact with her tongue, when she takes in how he tastes, her fingers fist in his hair. Poe groans very loudly at this and he grips Rey so tight that he picks her up, stumbling back against the side of his ship. The tips of Rey’s toes barely graze the ground and with the change in angle she deepens their kiss. When finally they break apart for breath, Rey looks down at Poe and he looks totally dazed. 

“Rey,” Poe says breathlessly, eyes wide in wonder, “wha-"

But he doesn’t get to finish his sentence because Connix’s voice echoes from the speaker in the hangar bay, ordering his squadron to their ships as the bay doors start to open. Poe blinks, as if suddenly remembering what he’s supposed to be doing. And realizing that it isn’t kissing the living daylights out of her. Which is a real shame, some part of Rey’s brain chimes. 

“You have to go,” Rey says dumbly, and Poe looks away towards the command center with a pained expression.

His hold of her has loosened and she slides down against his body, coming back onto her feet. Poe whimpers and his grip on her tightens for a moment as he looks at her again. Rey knows she’s blushing to the roots of her hair. She wonders if he can hear how loud her heart is pounding. 

Footsteps echo in the bay as the rest of Poe’s team jog to their ships. Reluctantly, Rey pulls her hands from Poe’s hair. 

“Poe, you have to go,” she says again more firmly, stepping out of his arms.

Poe is still dumbstruck enough that she breaks out of his hold easily. His hands fall limply to his sides and he looks at her with eyes still wide. 

“But I-"

BB-8 beeps loudly as the ships around them start to power up.

“They’re waiting for you,” Rey says warningly, and it’s true, the squad won’t take off without him at the helm. Poe looks between her and his ship and makes a frustrated sound. 

“Can you please tell me why you did that?” He asks, the words spilling out from his mouth quickly.

“Poe-"

“Can you?” He demands frantically. 

Over the speakers Connix uses Poe‘s call sign, asking him to turn on his comms if he’s on his ship. 

“Rey, _please_ , I gotta know what-" Poe pleads as he steps forward and reaches out for her. 

Connix calls for Poe again and Rey is actually starting to panic a little now, the realization of what she’s done, and her spectacularly terrible timing, catching up to her. 

“Black Leader."

“ _Rey_ ,” Poe repeats. 

“I can! I will okay, I will, just- just stop being such a nerf herder and get on the damn ship, and we’ll talk when you get back!” Rey exclaims, her eyes darting between him and his ship and the speaker in the ceiling. 

Poe also looks at his ship and then at Rey and quickly takes another step forward. He touches her cheek.

“Rey,” 

“Black Leader.” 

[ _Friend-Poe!_ ] BB-8 trills. 

“Go!” Rey commands, reaching up to squeeze his forearm.

Poe looks into her eyes, looks down at her mouth, meets her eyes again, and makes another frustrated sound as he steps back from her. It’s only when his back hits his ship ladder that he breaks eye contact with her. 

“Don’t you dare get blown up, fluke shot or no!” Rey calls to his back as he climbs into his ship. 

The familiar fearful feeling she’s been getting when he flies off like this returns. It hits her like a wild tauntaun that this is what it’s like to worry about the people you love. Rey worries for all her friends when they’re in danger it’s true, but her worry for Poe is distinct among them. It's different. It's I-need-to-kiss-you-before-you-leave different.

“You gunna tell me why you kissed me, when I get back?” Poe calls down from the cockpit.

“...Yes.” The response is a struggle to get out past the speed at which her cheeks heat up. 

She kissed him. And the next revelation hits her even harder, that the reason why she kissed him is because she has feelings for him, serious, _serious_ , feelings for him. And she has no fucking clue how she’s going to tell him that. 

“Then I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Poe pulls his helmet on and the glass dome of his ship closes over his head. Even with the helmet Rey can tell he’s looking straight down at her while he turns on his comm and gets ready to take off. She can feel how red her face is but she stays where she is and looks back at him, lifting a hand in a feeble wave as his ship pulls out of the hangar. 

As Black Squadron flies off Rey brings her fingers to touch her bottom lip. 

She kissed Poe. 

She kissed him!

And he expects her to tell him why when he gets back. 

And she has no idea what to say. 

_Sorry I kissed you but I was scared and I really don’t want you to die and also I wanted you to shut up about being blown up and also I don't know how but you get me and you’re beautiful and you’re kind and I don’t ever want you to leave me and you make me feel things I never thought I would feel and I worry about you so much because you’re reckless and you’re selfless and I just want you to be safe? You drive me crazy and I think I love you?_

Yeah maybe not that. Rey doesn’t have much experience with romance or romantic love but somehow word vomit doesn’t strike her as the best way to go. 

Okay.

So she’ll figure it out. She’s got some time before he returns. She can figure out what to say. She can do this. Rey can totally do this. 

**Author's Note:**

> i just??? love these dorks????? yeah that's it. 
> 
> please drop a comment if you'd like! hope everyone is staying safe and sane out there.


End file.
